Vagabond Returns ‘Home’

I returned to Louisiana today after nearly nine months of being on the road.
But Louisiana is no longer my home. My home is where my heart is and my heart is in CT right now.
It’s strange seeing all of the familiar faces and all of the familiar things, seeing the stagnancy and the progression at the same time.
It’s also given a bit of perspective of my own progression and stagnancy.
I’ve still got a lot to do while I’m here but I’m already looking forward to returning to CT next week.

Time changes things in a way that I could have never imagined.

Stress Levels Rising

I’ve reached a terrible crossroad, in my mind. I’m $18,000 in debt from my half completed education and I feel as though there’s no escape.
I consider my options:
-continue on this road and see where it may lead, roasting coffee beans and whatever else
-go home and finish school, may as well complete it since I’m already going to have to pay for it
-start paying my loansĀ and become a slave to the system
-run away, change my identity and never return to the US

I don’t know. I feel as though my great big move towards freedom has suddenly slapped me in the face with this actively acruing, overwhelming financial burden.
When I boil it down to a matter of numbers, it does not make any sense for me to continue on this journey and NOT move forward in something that will be more profitable.
And then there’s the whole matter of what I want. I wish I could vagabond around the world but I can’t survive on the bare minimum. I’ve got this black cloud hanging over me and I feel as though it will never go away no matter which path I choose.
There’s gotta be a way for a somewhat educated, somewhat resourceful person like myself to chop through the forest and create my own path that fulfills all of my needs.
Figuring it out is the journey.

Oh, woe is me, the chaser of dreams…

NYC

We went into the city today, my very first time. I must say, I wasn’t all that impressed. I thoroughly enjoyed people watching but there was something lacking. Everyone is disconnected from one another. I didn’t feel a sense of unity. They all want to get to their destination and take care of their business.
Maybe I’m wrong, this was simply my initial impression.
I did feel as though it was a giant melting pot of cultures from all over the world. There are people from all walks of life clustered on the sidewalks and subway.
Though rarely did I notice people interacting with one another.
I don’t know. I got a few great photos, I spent the day with awesome people and I had thousands of new and interesting people to observe. I don’t hate New York City.
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Lonely road

It’s difficult for me to think that I am creating my own path. I don’t feel like I’m leading the way. I feel like I’m tagging along someone else’s individually created path.
Maybe being a tag-along right now isn’t such a bad thing. I know that I can learn a lot and the people in my life right now are incredible.
I’m afraid of settling in, though. I’m always planning an escape route in the back of my head. Just in case things get too normal and comfortable.
I need to move forward, in something. I need progress. I need something…

Mayfaire-Kingston, NY

One weekend shows are extremely exhausting. The Donut Crew pulled into Kingston, NY Friday afternoon, set up the entire kitchen, Mayfaire on Saturday and Sunday, broke mostly everything down last night, finished this morning with a few injuries and we are now on the road again.
This was a difficult weekend. I’ve been doubting a lot of things. I want more, I want to travel out of this country. But the current financial situation is rather comfortable and I don’t think I’m honestly at a point to make another huge change in lifestyle. Then again, at the first sign of comfort, I get rather bored and choose to run in the opposite direction.
I wish I still had my car. I need a small space to call my own.
I’m exhausted…